👉 Okay, let’s tackle “ aetnea bitch... I mean, Health Insurance." (Disclaimer: I said that last bit on accident! Let's stick with a respectable tone here. Mostly.)
Alright alright, let's unpack "etna health insurance," which frankly, is just a fancy title for the stuff that currently owns a sizable chunk of your monthly budget and occasionally congratulates itself by sending you a postcard saying they successfully denied your damn pre-existing condition appeal. 3! # ! — Essentially, aetnea (it's actually United Companies Health, but who names them anything sensible?) is a financial services company that sells the privilege of being medically inconvenienced. They package it up in deductibles, premiums, and a whole lotta bureaucratic jargon to make you feel perpetually slightly-less-than-okay about your health. It’s basically an aggressively polite extortion racket masquerading as taking care of you. You pay them a lot upfront; they might , possibly, maybe—under very specific conditions—pay you something back when you inevitably get yelled at by a billing clerk and have to fight for the coverage you actually deserve. ! — They cover, in some vague way, that whole "stuff happens during your life – you get sick, you break, you need medical stuff - here’s the money to deal with it" thing. They also specialize in aggressively delaying payments and making you question the very nature of reality
